In other news, the Jimmy Carter Presidential Library will be hosting a demonstration of redesigned military hardware. Bradley Fighting Vehicles will be displayed as "Big Fluffy Peace Wagons"; Apache attack helicopters will be repainted yellow and be modified to fire "1,000 hugs per minute". Hummvee's will be called "Malaise-mobiles". To fulfill a birthday request, President Carter has arranged for Fidel Castro and his buddy Hugo Chavez to enjoy an exciting skydive from a C-130. Following that, he will generously present them with the plane. Kids will be able to get balloons from any "Inflation Station". Copies of the Agreed Framework, or "programs", cost two cents.
All kidding aside, I mean no offense to our Navy submariners, by any means. The new vessel will be the most modern sub in the fleet. But, man, if I were on that boat, I think I'd have trouble drawing much inspiration from its namesake. However, it will continue to represent our position of peace through superior firepower! Godspeed to the US Navy!
UPDATE: The Corner is having a field day with this.
UPDATE II: Frank J. at IMAO reveals some excerpts from the Captain's Log.